So the past couple months, especially the past few weeks, have been an incredibly hard time for my family. It feels as though, despite the countless hours of therapy and interventions, things seem to be getting worse before they get better…
Today was a VERY hard day. Possibly one of the hardest I can remember. He had one of the most severe meltdowns I have seen…since yesterday, when he had another impossibly huge, almost violent meltdown.
On the days that have felt impossible, I love to tip-toe into my baby’s room and watch him sleep. I am truly exhausted, but this brings me peace. Even though he is big, he still looks like an angel–my baby— when he is sleeping, and it helps me stay grounded and centered. Everything will be okay, I tell myself as I kiss his still-baby-soft cheek. It’s going to get better. He’s going to be okay. All this love, patience, kindness and support we are pouring into him is going to count for something. It’s going to help. If I am honest with myself, I know I’m just telling myself what I need to hear right now, because the direction in which he is currently headed scares the crap out of me. He is my baby.
Despite the hard moments, we have SO MUCH to be grateful for. He is generally happy, healthy, and hilarious. At heart he is genuinely one of the best people I’ve ever met. So this exhausted mom is focusing on being grateful, because focusing on my fears won’t get me anywhere but wrapped up into a tiny ball, terrified.
And tomorrow is a fresh start! Who knows what it could bring! I am grateful for my Au-some little boy, even if I’m exhausted and worried.